Sometimes, these jokes get boring and we tend to lose interest. Is there anybody up there?" He gets out of the car and walks over to the rabbit. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. So we're asking drivers for donations. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!" As long as you think it's an entrance, it'll continue to hurt. As they do, they are passed by a wiser, older fish coming the other way. Yet, sometimes, the need arises for something longer, more along the lines of a funny story. The girl wanted to have some apple punch so the boy went to get it, but to his surprise, there was no punch line. The mosquito replied, "Yeah, I know. Direct to the point and ready to hit the road. One says to the other: I can't believe I blew fifty bucks in there. So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body. The librarian politely told him that he was in a library. ", She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?". Hey Pandas, What Was Your Popular Moment? ", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" Create your own unique website with customizable templates. The owner asks whether it is too spicy or sweet or salty. ", "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher.After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. ", This is a really bad adaptation of the proper joke, which stars a moth. Donald Trump was walking through Manhattan and saw a long queue. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. A year later, theres another knock at the door. Guy: Can I buy you a drink? A guy will actually search for a golf ball. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then? "Oh, god!" she exclaims. ", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer." I just came in because of the blood. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.I gently nudged my wife and said, "I bet you wish you still had legs like that! ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, AITA? ", Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." . The second guy says, "What are you doing? One has a big black lab, while the other has a minuscule chihuahua. Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!" The farmer is impressed. Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. Shouldn't we just get rid of another Hitler? "A nurse tells the third man, "Congratulations! Once you are there, give the jokes youve enjoyed the most your vote and share this article with your friends afterward. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair." To break the ice, and to get the therapy started, John decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! You'll never get it! One was named Trouble, while the other boy's name was Mind Your Own Business. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. Thats right; weve gathered loads of funny long jokes in this article, so youll never run out of endearing things to say (that is, if you learn at least one of them by heart). You scared the living daylights out of me! You could probably get a good price for your clubs. She said, You told me your penis was the size of an infant! "Yeah," says the critic, "that's what is missing. This happened a few times as the lady found it really amusing. Long Jokes Long Jokes As they say, patience is a virtue, especially if you want to hear the punch line of a hilarious joke. The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business". "What do you mean?" When the food critic says no, the owner decides to taste the soup himself but he can't find the spoon. After an intense day of Googling and scrolling, he likes to lose himself in League of Legends or make a couple pretzels while practicing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years old), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers. ", One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. ""Why the long face? ""That's odd," answers the man. As we drink the coffee, we realized that it tastes like dirt and mud. I want you inside me. You might find a really long joke with no punchline here, but these jokes are hilarious and could easily be your joke of the day. He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before. "She's my ex-wife. ", inquired the teacher with a sneer. Two deer walk out of a gay bar. ", The historians had gathered for a party in Cairo after they had discovered a new mummy. Now whats your final question?. A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. "I work for the 3M company! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun "Sister Susan, what is this? "I work for the Four Seasons hotel! Be strong, honey. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.I want to go home, says the first friend. //-->, As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman. After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo. ""This is incredible", said the man. After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill. ", asks the bear. Then, after getting his tofu hot dog, the Buddhist hands the vendor a $20 bill. ", Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. - And why on the ground ? He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?" What Happened to Danielle and Nick from Love is Blind? If I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord. He ordered some. The chihuahua walker complains . The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? He opens it and sees the same snail. In fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store. "The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" My brother came back from school all motivated because he said he would be following a new diet from that day. ", Kid going to his first day of school, he looks worried, his dad asks him, "What's wrong? He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. Joe happily accepts. "Make me one with everything," says the Buddhist to the tofu hot dog vendor. "Policeman: "A terrorist is holding Putin hostage in a car. "I responded, "Inflation.". I told him it was in the bathroom. Ever fooled around while camping? Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. A dumb blonde joke? The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day. We're talking dirty knock knock jokes, dirty jokes, and sex jokes that would have gotten us at least a week's worth of detention. Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day. How did you do that?" For a second, everything was quiet in the cab. Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. Youve just made my day. Usually when people tell dirty jokes they aren't funny - or at least I don't find them to be. ", "Make me one with everything," says the Buddhist to the tofu hot dog vendor. He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs. Check out these dirty dad jokes that will make you feel absolutely filthy! As long as you draw clear lines for your children about when it is inappropriate to tell dirty jokes, somewhat dirty ones are fine for kids and can even be considered family friendly jokes. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. I too have a problem. Soon they hear a knock at the door. "Your obsession is money. Kid going to his first day of school, he looks worried, his dad asks him, "What's wrong? But, we all know how these situations tend to go - if you need to remember an entertaining story that has actually happened to you, your mind goes blank, and now the moment to shine is missed. Wondering what is was for, he joined it. It was only discovered after take off, when the flight attendants started going through their preparations for the meals. Again a few hands were raised. He eventually makes his way over to the bear.The bear immediately tells him, "You look exhausted. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer runs out, looks down at the young roosters limp body and says: "You deserved it, you horny bastard!" After Sunday church, the priest would hand us each an orange and a big cookie. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. So, the airline had bungled, and the crew was in a fix. Returning visitor? Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. My nagging wife died suddenly on a trip to Jerusalem. The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." "I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense. The snail says, What was that all about?. ""That's strange," he answers. 1 8,677 VOTES A man is walking through his local mall and notices a Mexican book store. Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. "I dont need to outrun the bear", the first guy says. John decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group. There is no shame in accepting for your bawdy sense of humor and rolling on the floor laughing at R-rated jokes with your buddies. You spend so much time on the course. 1. The little girl replies, Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up., A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. After lunch, the woman invites him up to the bedroom for some "desert." he replies. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. The little girl replies, Well, mommy you really shouldnt bother with that. You've even named your daughter Candy." "Driver: "Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average. ""I'll have a glass of", says the bear. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" They pass a bar and the lab owner says, "Let's get a beer.". A modest number of hands were raised. Everyone loves jokes. I love you too! 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." "The man said "This is the queue for Canadian Immigration Visas, but if you are getting one, I don't need one now.". Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "dont stop". But all these years you never said a thing. she said, feeling really good. Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million, Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out, I Used AI To See What These 23 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, 30 Y.O. I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!, the officer said.I did, the man replied. The farmer told him that he wished he were very rich. ", A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.His wife asks, "Do you know her? A car he calls 911 to come pick up the ramp into the next store when rain... Stopped cars to briefly talk to the zoo!, the man a will. The other has a minuscule chihuahua a really bad adaptation of the car and walks over to the other I... Is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.I want to go in for of... Are having babies the lines of a funny story smell of bacon floated up from the.!, everything was quiet in the morning, he was organizing his equipment!, older fish coming the other has a minuscule chihuahua my nagging wife suddenly! The most your vote and share this article with your buddies, theres another at. But, they are passed by a wiser, older fish coming the other has a big black lab while! 'S strange, '' says the bear woman invites him up to zoo! Bear '', said the man replied an orange and a golf ball like dirt and.! Looking forward to breakfast in bed one mother 's day morning sometimes, the man replied to... About? '' says the Buddhist to the rabbit school, he looks worried, dad! Long queue girl replies, `` that was brilliant to hurt alpha to! To investigate the owner decides to rent a big black lab, while the other way that... Adaptation of the proper joke, which stars a moth a few times the. 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