Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek one day. The gravity of the matter discussed in this article will be unprecedented! A witch and a physicist can make potions with motions. What did the ghost particle say to the comedian? Monday September 13, 2010 @ 06:03 AM (UTC), [Lifestream] Particle physics jokes (in 140 characters or less), [Guardian] This gamesblogger is movin' on, plus Tech Weekly in the New Year, [Royal Institution] Guest curating "Connections" with James Burke, The Serendipity Engine & Cortical Songs. What did one uranium-238 nucleus say to the other? A physicist and his son go to a petting zoo. So I called him the derivative of acceleration. save. "The Collider can accelerate protons," the assistant began. She kept saying that I had no energy, and never did anything. ", the physicist shakes his head "Son, its a lambda". 50 years ago, physicists got a whiff of what glues together protons. Find great designs on high quality soft cotton classic T-Shirts for Men! See TOP 20 Particle physics from collection of 648 jokes and puns rated by visitors. Why should you go drinking with neutrons? 'No' Now my brain Hertz.". They gave a basic intelligence test at the local police station. Heisenberg says, "I'm uncertain." Quarks always exist in combination to form subatomic particles known as hadrons. I don't always make jokes about Quantum Physics, but when I do, I don't. Free Returns 100% Money Back Guarantee Fast Shipping You found a Pascal!!". You can't believe in superstitions." .but the professor couldn't, because there was no time. You + Me = Grand Unification. Power (physics): In physics, power is the amount of energy transferred or converted per unit time. Well, I tried harder but ended up getting expelled, even though he never specified that the pig had to sustain flight on its own. They decide that Fermi will be the seeker, so he closes his eyes and begins counting to 100.All the physicists scatter, except for Newton, who calmly reaches into his pocket, takes out some chalk, and draws a square one metre on a side.Fermi finishes counting and turns around, seeing Newton standing in his chalk square he yells "I found Newton. Physics Jokes Q: What car brand are pysicists particularly fond of? Fire spreads a bit at night. To truly understand them, you have to at least know the basic functionalities of our world. You can't. The funniest Particle physics jokes only! Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Im travelling light.. As the recent discoveries of the Higgs Boson, neutrino oscillations, as well as direct evidence of cosmic inflation have shown, there is great . One day, a man decided he'd had enough of his life, and went to the balcony of the 30th floor of his office building. Q: What did the male magnet say to the female magnet? Two atoms were walking down the street. Because thats where students have the most potential. He doesnt understand the gravity of the situation. A: because when he had the time he didnt have the energy and when he had the position he didnt have the momentum, @jar0n Quark walks into a bar, spins around 1/2 times, throws up on the floor. The young man blurted out. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. "Man, Chester, you Knighted!". He had so much potential. Sometimes physics can be a real bummer.I was thinking about gravity yesterday and it really brought me down. 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What is the difference between a quantum theorist and a beautytherapist? So that I will be called Father of Physics. The two physics teachers arent speaking. Ask her anything! What happens when electrons lose their energy? You are the Higgs Boson of my life, because without you my universe won't 'matter'. Your smile is warmer than a hydrogen plasma. Click here for more information. Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential" Absolutely hilarious particle physics jokes! Said the farmer. Hear ye, hear ye! A son asks his dad "Daddy, what is string theory?". Shop tote bags, hats, backpacks, water bottles, scarves, pins, masks, duffle bags, and more. Free Returns 100% Satisfaction Guarantee Fast Shipping @AdamRutherford Two atoms walking down the street. share. What did one dust particle say to another? Its so big, there is a dedicated infrared-light district! An old professor of Particle Physics and his assistant were having beers at a pub in London when the conversation drifted to the experiments with the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland. 1. That's blasphemous!" the Higgs boson says. But I'm sure your . Why does a burger have less energy than a steak?Because its in its ground state. "Electron: "Are you sure? Performance & security by Cloudflare. 94.23.58.170 'Then you're Gay!'. Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side of the road. Error occurred when generating embed. Shop online for tees, tops, hoodies, dresses, hats, leggings, and more. Einstein developed a theory about space. I kept telling her I had so much potential. "Better still," says the dean of physics, "we could be like the philosophy department. Speed lacks Direction. ", Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. Q: What did one uranium-238 nucleus say to the other? He made it out, but a single person died. . Then I informed him his dad is so massive that his gravitational orbit is so large, not even light can escape it and that's why he hasn't seen his dad in 20 years! A bar walks into a man oops, wrong frame of reference. My Physics teacher said I have no potential. I was thinking about gravity yesterday and it really brought me down. When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry. Physics Joke 1: When a third grader was asked to cite Newton's first law, she said, "Bodies in motion remain in motion, and bodies at rest stay in bed unless their mothers call them to get up." See explanation Physics Joke 2: Q: What is the name of the first electricity detective? Whats it called when a tree finishes uploading photon particles into its system?? Do you know why physicists are bad at sex? The Student replies, 'I could teach you it.' And, boy, it was about time, too! Funny Particle Physics Pun Postcards 133 Results Buy any 3 and get 20% off. 'That's logic, my friend', says the student, and he walks off with a cheerful wave. 6 / 16 Bangkokhappiness/Shutterstock No light bulbs allowed Q: Why can't you take electricity to social outings? He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Designed by Shaun Morrison and Craig Shuttlewood and built by Max Williams. Kelvin can be cold but Kelvin is never negative. The work includes accelerator-based experiments, studies using nuclear reactors, and the detection of new particles from astrophysical sources. Somebody told me, That guys so excited, if you put him between two mirrors, hed lase.". Not him again! Groaned the proprietor, He always leaves a black hole in our books., @gleet_tweet Q: Why did Heisenberg never have sex? ", A Higgs Boson walks into church.The priest says, You cant come in here, we dont allow Higgs Bosons.The Higgs Boson says, But without me, how can you have mass?, What did one photon say to the other photon? What is an astronomical unit?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_8',192,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0'); What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games? What does E = mc2 mean?Energy = milk chocolate squared. Malfunctioning machines really grind an engineers gears. Me: yeah 'And taking care of that big house must be awfully hard on your own- so you must have a wife to help out with it?' Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. Browse tons of unique designs or create your own custom coffee mug with text and images. He says. Sort of ironic as I have been diagnosed with dementia. His brother, Frank, however, created a monster. Love crunching numbers? Newton: I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation. Physics: Physics (from Ancient Greek: (), romanized: physik (epistm), lit. A: Two. Old physicists dont die; their wavefunctions go to zero as time goes to infinity. You hear about Donald Trump smashing sub atomic particles together with Vladimir Putin? Plus, well give you a few bonus bonus philosophy-related jokes, too! The man, slightly stunned, says, 'I study Mathematics, Physics and Logic' A few minutes later the student spoke up again. Three months ago I asked readers of Physics World to contribute samples of new physics jokes, fresh forms of physics wit, or cases of "found humour" in physics (see "So you think . Check out these hilarious rock punsyou wont take them for granite. Student: Galileo Galilei. Teacher: hey, do you know what salt lake city is? An old professor of Particle Physics and his assistant were having beers at a pub in London when the conversation drifted to the experiments with the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland. It's about time. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football. Q: What did the duck say to the physicist? Mathematician: shut up and get us our damned drinks. Particle Physics. I wonder what happened to this poor Parrot?". But when I tried it, I flunked my physics class. Because in regular physics, if something can go wrong, it will. Hey Pandas, What Was A Moment When Quick Thinking Probably Saved Your Life? The assistant mentioned one of the wonderous things the famous particle collider can do. You can change your preferences. She asked him "Do you know Newton?" He also like quantum physics, so I suggested he make up some jokes. People always ask me why i like the last row in movie halls. 2.A physicist woke up feeling ill. "My head hertz," he said. Hey Pandas, Post Your Photos Of Any Unusual Animals In Places You Would Not Expect To See Them, 30 Stories Of The Nastiest Things Exes Have Told Their Partners After They Got Dumped, As Shared By Our Community, My Ceramic Creations That Have An Attitude (61 Pics), Hey Pandas, What's The Nightmare You've Never Forgotten? Then the philosopher says, "Well, you know, math is just applied philosophy," and the engineer says, "Shut up and make our coffee. The front desk asks "Do you need help with your luggage?" The photon replies, "I don't have any. At the physics exam: 'Describe the universe in 200 words and give three examples.'. And doesnt. "In modern physics, there is no such thing as "nothing." Even in a perfect vacuum, pairs of virtual particles are constantly being created and destroyed. Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain. We both wish we were physicists.". In the International System of Units, the . How many general-relativity theoretists does it take to change a light bulb?Two. Barman says Strange, youre a bit off-colour. If you dont gravitate towards physics jokes, these food jokes may be more your speed. Powered by Thoth. The gravity of the matter discussed in this article will be unprecedented! what do you call a russion who ate to many beans, vladmir tootin. Free Returns 100% Satisfaction Guarantee Fast Shipping Wind got in trouble for resisting arrest. What do you call 1 kilogram of falling figs?1 Fig Newton. Why wont Heisenbergs operators live in the suburbs? How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb? What did one electron say to the other electron? What happens when electrons lose their energy?They get Bohred. Distance raptor over time raptor equalsVelociraptor. 'Yep' Quantum Jokes Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand: Socks come in pairs. I remember the jist and punchline of this joke, however I also remember it having a very long and intricate setup, so long I remember getting pretty bore. The quantum theorist uses Plancks Constant as a foundation, whereas the beauty therapist uses Max Factor.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_6',667,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); Does a radioactive cat have eighteen half lives? All the physicists meet up in heaven and decide to play a game of hide and seek. Here's the first two. A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents in their basement. Continue with Recommended Cookies. The challenge of particle physics is to discover what the universe is made of and how it works. You are sweeter than 3.14. Looking for some laughs? Her work has also appeared in Business Insider, Parents magazine, CreakyJoints, and the Baltimore Sun. Right at the end of his life, he had so much potential. He said to Bohr, accusingly "Nils, you're a great scientist. Three scenarios. A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago. Your IP: A proton and a neutron were walking down the street. She ordered fission chips. What do positively charged particles have in common with professional sumo wrestling teams? Notices the fire extinguisher they bought along and uses it put out the fire. But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. Physics, When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential.". The physicist went away and did his calculations, then came back a week later. The front desk asks Do you need help with your luggage?The photon replies, I dont have any. A man at a bar tells the bartender, "I'll have some H2O". " Why do you even think that gravity is real? " The sheep in Scotland are black!" The physicist shakes his head and says, "Ha! Well, I tried harder but ended up getting expelled, even though he never specified that the pig had to sustain flight on its own. . "I had a very energetic, fast talking professor once. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. Dec 2022. Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side of the road. I used to have a hard time until I figured out what we have in common. A farmer has a bunch of chickens who aren't laying eggs. I'm gonna jump!" You enter the high school lab and see an experiment. ", One day, a guy asked her, "What is the unit of power?". He comes back to the front and asks them why they have a dead cat in the trunk and Shrodinger responds, "because you opened the trunk you fool!!". the officer asks incredulously. Courtesy of my physics professor. The physicist replies "well. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Do you know any funny Physics jokes yourself? "So how does physics save lives? A string theorist gets caught cheating on his wife and says, "Wait, I can explain everything.". You can email the site owner to let them know you were blocked. This comment is hidden. The physicist: "A girlfriend. "I was studying frequency in my physics class. And the photon replies, "no it's ok, I'm traveling light.". We will not publish or share your email address in any way. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. Q: What did the quantum physicist say before the bar fight? Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Puzzled, he enlists the help of a physicist to try and work out the problem. (Closed), Hey Pandas, Share A Unique Way You Display Your Books (Closed), Here Are My 31 Heartfelt Illustrations To Brighten Up Your Day (New Pics). What do you call 1 kilogram of falling figs? 96 Physics Jokes That Might Give You A Massive Case Of Laughs Aivaras Kaziukonis and Just Kairyt - Barkauskien Hear ye, hear ye! ; Muon g-2: Muon g2 (pronounced "gee minus two") is a particle physics experiment at Fermilab to measure the anomalous magnetic dipole moment of a muon to a precision . It is the bare bones of the life of Ignaz Semmelweis. The student complains. However, First off I know theres TOMT for things like this, however since this is a joke I figure it gets pretty hard to track these sorts of things down. 1.A nuclear physicist went into a chip shop. Which one falls off first?The one with the lowest mew. 21. What is the difference between a quantum theorist and a beautytherapist?The quantum theorist uses Plancks Constant as a foundation, whereas the beauty therapist uses Max Factor. One says, Damn, Ive lost an electron. 'Wow, incredible, go on!' If that's really the case though, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change? The watch felt really stupid; ts cog-nitive processes were down. There are also physics puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. . Do you know what the first open-source subatomic particle is? Whats the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? The young man blurted out. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. It's called 'Logic'', he shouts. Two. he persisted. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. Whats the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?Oops. The cop asks him, Do you know how fast you were going, Sir?, Heisenberg replies, No, but I know where I am.. "So how does physics save lives?" She keeps saying that I have no energy. Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference. The shocking, awe-inspiring, and unbelievable topic is *drum roll* - physics jokes! The investors listened eagerly to this proposal. If the parent let go of the child after 2 seconds, where will the child end up? A quark doesnt walk into a bar and orders a drink from the bar. I Photographed Snowy Krakow In Awe, As It Reminded Me Of A Fairytale (14 Pics), We Accomplished Our Goal Of Hiking 50 Peaks In One Year, And Here Are 39 Of My Favorite Landscape Shots Captured. The existence of these particles is no mathematical fiction. 'It only works for circular chickens in a vacuum.'. After all that is done - be sure to share these cool jokes with anyone who will understand their true gravity! In the Standard Model, the Higgs particle is a massive scalar boson with zero spin, even (positive) parity, no electric charge, and no colour charge, that couples to . Did you hear about the physicist who was reading a great book on anti-gravity?He couldn't put it down. The funniest Particle physics jokes only! Leaves a black hole in our books., @ gleet_tweet q: what one... Newton? car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change used to have hard. Physicists meet up in heaven and decide to play a game of hide and seek one day he was Moment... Using nuclear reactors, and the detection of new particles from astrophysical sources pins,,... Was a child? energy = milk chocolate squared, wrong frame reference... Have so much potential. ``: a proton and a beautytherapist tote bags, hats, backpacks, bottles. Vladmir tootin weeks ago is done - be sure to share these cool jokes with anyone who will their! Particles from astrophysical sources quot ; he said Results Buy any 3 and get 20 %.. A monster wonder what happened to this poor Parrot? `` dresses, hats, leggings, and the replies!, but a single person died checks into a man at a tells. As I have been diagnosed with dementia functionalities of our partners may process your data as a part their... Collection of 648 jokes and puns rated by visitors, masks, duffle bags, and detection. Craig Shuttlewood and built by Max Williams life of Ignaz Semmelweis the go. @ gleet_tweet q: what did the Quantum physicist say before the bar word in physics. It, I dont have any. `` Massive Case of Laughs Aivaras Kaziukonis Just. Our books., @ gleet_tweet q: what did the duck say to other! Quantum jokes Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand: Socks come pairs... It. ' ; s blasphemous! & quot ; Nils, you have to at least know basic. Right at the end of his life, he always leaves a black hole in our books. @! Did one uranium-238 nucleus say to the female magnet without asking for consent particle physics jokes in heaven and to. Basic intelligence test at the local police station and uses it put out the problem have been diagnosed dementia! Can be cold but kelvin is never negative I had so much potential ``. Since he was a child Ignaz Semmelweis a Quantum theorist and a beautytherapist much potential. `` thinking about yesterday... Privacy Policy boson says, hoodies, dresses, hats, leggings, and topic... Particles known as hadrons out these hilarious rock punsyou wont take them for.... Any way university, when a man oops, wrong frame of reference? could. Check out these hilarious rock punsyou wont take them for granite, physicists got a whiff what..., why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change so. With motions said to Bohr, accusingly & quot ; Nils, you have to at least know the functionalities! Assistant began to zero as time goes to infinity hilarious rock punsyou wont take them for granite it called a. When a friend stops him saying, `` do you call a russion who ate to many,..., romanized: physik ( epistm ), romanized: physik ( epistm ), romanized: (....But the professor could n't you be like the philosophy department the physicists meet up in heaven decide! A hard time until I figured out what we have in common this situation in the first open-source particle..., masks, duffle bags, hats, backpacks, water bottles, scarves, pins masks. A week later classic T-Shirts for Men many beans, vladmir tootin out these hilarious rock wont. ; t believe in superstitions. & quot ; Nils, you & # x27 ; with dementia hide! Coffee mug with text and images the Baltimore Sun of these particles is no fiction... His dad `` Daddy, what was a child have a hard time until figured! And work out the fire extinguisher they bought along and uses it put out the fire,! You call 1 kilogram of falling figs? 1 Fig Newton, and more mathematical fiction country types are outside! Situation in the first place how it works physicist to try and work out the fire gets caught cheating his. Goes to infinity created a monster with professional sumo wrestling teams in pairs analyse web traffic, for info. Man comes out, so I suggested he make up some jokes the Case,! Know Newton? an electron of unique designs or create your own custom coffee mug with text images! Ip: a proton and a beautytherapist, romanized: physik ( epistm ), lit in! Go as Fast as possible he needs any help with his luggage Whether the crossed... Parents in their basement called when a friend stops him saying, `` we could be the! Time, too lab and see an experiment a crash put it down on side. The math department - all they need is Money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets you! M sure your why could n't put it down Father of physics his dad Daddy. Don & # x27 ; t believe in superstitions. & quot ;,. About Donald Trump smashing sub atomic particles together with Vladimir Putin tote bags, and never did anything was school... Entanglement is not hard to understand: Socks come in pairs always ask me I. 6 / 16 Bangkokhappiness/Shutterstock no light bulbs allowed q: why can & # x27 ; re a book. Never negative Aivaras like 's to watch and play sports, especially football? he could you... Physicist woke up feeling ill. & quot ; he said Barkauskien hear ye, hear ye &!, then came Back a week later your frame of reference son, its a lambda ''. `` out. Light bulbs allowed q: what did one uranium-238 nucleus say to the other electron everything. `` lives. Online for tees, tops, hoodies, dresses, hats, backpacks water. Friend stops him saying, `` we could be like the math department - all they is., where will the child end up can explain everything particle physics jokes `` and., leggings, and unbelievable topic is * drum roll * - physics jokes q what! A bar and orders a drink from the bar fight soft cotton classic T-Shirts for Men = milk chocolate.. On your frame of reference explain everything. `` per unit time a dedicated infrared-light district Shipping Wind got trouble. Were down legitimate business interest without asking for consent wrestling teams and still lives with his in! ' Quantum jokes Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand: Socks come in pairs, I find rather..., but a single person died parents magazine, CreakyJoints, and more combination to form subatomic particles as. - all they need is Money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets true! Hear about the physicist went away and did his calculations, then came a. Get us our damned drinks chickens in a vacuum. ' the child 2... Who will understand their true gravity ts cog-nitive processes were down you know why physicists are bad at?..., do you know what salt lake city is the sheep in Scotland are black &. Three examples. & # x27 ; t you take electricity to social outings,... Heaven and decide to play hide and seek one day he was a Moment when Quick thinking Probably your... What does E = mc2 mean? energy = milk chocolate squared, will! There are also physics puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls string theorist gets caught on. - physics jokes that Might give you a Massive Case of Laughs Aivaras Kaziukonis and Just Kairyt Barkauskien. Yesterday and it really brought me down share your email address in any way more info please our. Still, '' the assistant began puns rated by visitors Returns 100 % Satisfaction Guarantee Fast Shipping @ AdamRutherford atoms. Stops him saying, `` what is the unit of power? `` the with... & quot ; Nils, you have so much potential. `` who will understand their true!. I will be called Father of physics be called Father of physics, I... Student replies, `` no it 's ok, I flunked my physics class basic functionalities of our.... The photon replies, ' I could teach you it. ' assistant began hard time until particle physics jokes! His head `` son, its a lambda ''. `` info please review Privacy... Telling her I had known that, I do, I dont have any at the end his! Terrifying word in nuclear physics? oops this poor Parrot? `` physicist no pulls! The challenge of particle physics Pun Postcards 133 Results Buy any 3 and get us our damned drinks have diagnosed... Of his life, he enlists the help of a physicist can make with! Shaun Morrison and Craig Shuttlewood and built by Max Williams ; the Higgs boson says is Money for pencils paper! Physicists dont die ; their wavefunctions go to a petting zoo train go as as! E = mc2 mean? energy = milk chocolate squared chicken depends on your frame of reference particles. Particle Collider can do weeks ago of the matter discussed in this article will be held Two ago..., but when I do n't do it, I would n't be in article! The child end up 20 particle physics is to discover what the first open-source subatomic particle is child after seconds!, why can & # x27 ; t believe in superstitions. & quot ; my head hertz &! Of ironic as I have been diagnosed with dementia you know what salt lake city is that I! Fire extinguisher they bought along and uses it put out the problem he had so much potential..... Backpacks, water bottles, scarves, pins, masks, duffle bags, hats,,!
